What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 03:08
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The U.S. Economy Is Headed Toward an Uncomfortable Summer - MSN
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Hantavirus, the disease that killed Gene Hackman's wife, is spreading - HOLA
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im still living with it.
Trump Crypto Wallet Goes Dark Following Cease and Desist - Decrypt
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Aaron Wiggins Is The Key To Understanding OKC’s Revolutionary Depth - Defector
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why Mets are positioned to fare better than Yankees in latest Dodgers series - New York Post
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Would this be the day?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Can a bride cheat on her groom at a wedding?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My life is so biszare .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What are the ways in which the human body adapts to different climates and heat?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The #1 Underrated Vegetable with More Vitamin C Than an Orange, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
She loved him until the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why do some men like older women?
He knew the spot.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What is the dirtiest thing you have allowed your husband to do?
We were not on the streets..
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The Verge’s guide to Amazon Prime Day 2025: best deals, tips, and tricks - The Verge
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why do people still think Michael Jackson was guilty?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
Daniel Jones touts "productive spring" in learning, understanding Colts offense - NBC Sports
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I never cut or harmed myself..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I couldn’t, believe it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it wasn’t much.
I was scared of men, in general
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I said to her
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
All the time i was locked up.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
I will be 64.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She married twice! .
I was seconnd youngest,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I think the readers, may guess!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i lived it daily.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I write beautiful poetry .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is soul school!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So, i spoilt her more .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I have no regrets .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I don,t even have a pension.
She found it foreign!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My family never makes their pension either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.